Gift the Gift of a Legacy Letter

Have you ever thought that you might like to give someone you care about the gift of a legacy letter but felt that you didn’t know where to start? If you have, I suggest that you get a copy of Rachael Freed’s book Your Legacy Matters: harvesting the love and lessons of your life. In the book, she gives examples of many different kinds of legacy letters.

Consider starting by experimenting with the four-paragraph template. In this kind of legacy letter, you begin by choosing an experience you learned something from. Freed, for example, writes about when she was 22 and on the New York subway where she felt shame when a homeless woman who was begging shouted at her and the other riders for refusing to even look at her as if she were a person. In the first paragraph, she gives the context of the experience; in the second, the experience; in the third, the learning; and in the fourth, a blessing.

I especially like the practice of ending legacy letters with a blessing in which you begin your sentences with “May you…” or “I wish for you…” or “I hope for you….” In Freed’s letter to her children, her blessing includes “May you both be blessed with compassionate and wise eyes: eyes that see beyond the face of circumstance, that you see the spark of the Divine deep within yourself, each other, and everyone on our planet.” (p. 26)

This is only one kind of legacy letter. In addition to sharing life lessons, you can share your values, your hopes for the future, your gratitude, your regrets and your forgiveness. You can also write one to go with your will or with your advance directive. You can write one for a special occasion like a birthday or a graduation.

And don’t think you can only give legacy letters to family members. You can give them to friends for a special occasion or to mentors to say thank-you, or really, to anyone you care about.

One of my favorite letters in Freed’s book was written by Barbara to Loretta, whom she met in a grief support group after her husband died. Barbara shares what her friendship with Loretta has meant to her over the years. (p. 108)

I also really like writing a type of legacy letter that I call a letter of appreciation. Instead of sharing who you are, you write about what the person to whom you’re writing means to you. The first legacy/appreciation letter I wrote was to my son-in-law for his 52^nd birthday. He is my daughter’s second husband, and I wrote about what he and his four children have added to our family.

I also wrote a legacy letter to go with my advance directive. I gave a copy to each of my two children, and then we got together and talked about it. This turned out to be one of the most meaningful conversations we have ever had.

Writing a letter like this might feel like a big job, but Freed suggests that you write your first draft in 15 minutes. I agree with her that, “Carving out a specific amount of time reduces your feelings of being overwhelmed.” (p. 20)

I hope that soon you will find 15 minutes to try writing a legacy letter. If you’re not ready to write the letter, at least find the time to make a list of people who you think would like to receive a letter like this and to jot down some ideas about what you might want to include in the letter.