Embracing the In-Between

We live in a time of significant change, on a lot of levels.  The world is changing.  Sage-ingâ International is changing.  Each of us is changing on this journey of aging.

The period when things are not what they were and not yet what they’re going to be is called “liminal space,” and it can be terrifying. “Liminal” comes from Latin and means “threshold,” the part of a passage no longer inside and not yet outside, in between. A way of life that once served us well no longer fits; we are leaving an old identity behind without a new identity to replace it.

I first came across the idea of liminal space in Ron Pevny’s Conscious Eldering work. In Conscious Living, Conscious Aging, he calls it the “neutral zone,” a central tenet of Conscious Eldering. Moving into liminal space requires a catalyst, a triggering event or circumstance, such as retirement, the death of a spouse, a significant medical diagnosis, Covid, new technology, or new organization leadership. It is not simply an uncomfortable waiting room between identities; it is a place to pause, to listen, to become something new.  It’s full of ambiguity with no clear sense of definition.

People often feel disoriented and unsure, lost and disconnected, full of self-doubt and fear. It’s easy to feel stranded between a past that felt real and an unclear future. I work with family businesses transitioning from one generation to the next. A client who had just turned his business over to his daughter after two hard years of letting go asked me, “What do you do?” The question left him close to tears.  He didn’t know who he was without that job, leaving him in liminal space.

Our need to be free of discomfort and uncertainty can push us to make poor decisions in haste. My very wise grandmother used to say, “Never underestimate the value of a good wallow.” Accepting discomfort as part of the process, understanding that progress isn’t linear or predictable, and allowing time for the process can help us reach a sustainable new beginning.

True transformation can only occur on the bridge between the old and the new, where acceptance and understanding have time to take root and grow. It can be a time of self-discovery and exploration, to re-evaluate and let go of old beliefs, values and expectations that no longer fit or do not serve us well. Liminal spaces are not simply moments of confusion; they are opportunities to evolve into better versions of ourselves. Being in liminal space is not about learning to survive; it’s learning to inhabit it consciously. It’s the difference between chosen liminality—doing the work—and imposed liminality—simply accepting it as inevitable loss and difficulty. It’s developing the capacity to stay present within uncertainty, not rushing to cross the threshold.

Work in liminal space can take many forms. Foremost is being open and aware, paying close attention to whatever is present and what is emerging.  Finding time for solitude and quiet is key.

In conscious eldering work, Ron Pevny suggests four major elements to help navigate through the liminal space:

1. Be open to synchronicity and the messages we make of parallel events.
2. Pay special attention to dreams for guidance.
3. Explore forms of creative expression to open doors to clarity.
4. Find the paths and practices that best help tap a connection to spirit and to the guidance of the natural world to focus on what is taking shape.

Understanding and embracing liminal space provides a framework for making sense of the change process, which helps foster patience and resilience and promotes growth, self-discovery, empathy, and appreciation for life. Although they can feel uncertain and uncomfortable, threshold experiences are necessary for becoming wiser and stronger.