Money

We elders are encouraged to leave a legacy. The common notion of a legacy has to do with money and property. A newer approach to legacy has to do

with our values, our gifts to and from life, sharing with our descendants what is important to us. We are encouraged to leave this legacy in the form of a

letter, a voice recording or a video recording. This is a new legacy.

But what of the old sort — the one that does deal with material objects, wealth and property? How are these received by the youngers we have chosen to

inherit them? What strictures and clauses do we attach to their inheritance? Is it freely given or do we impose our will (pardon the pun) onto this gift? Might it be received as a gift or a burden?

Are the beneficiaries equipped and educated in this inheritance? Are the beneficiaries the kind of people who know how to deal with this gift? Do they want that silver candelabra or the money or real property left to them?

Most of us think we would welcome unearned money. Most of us think we would welcome the family home. Most of us think we would welcome

heirlooms that hold the history of generations. Think about it deeply. Would you?

I have a friend who is incredibly grateful to have been able to retire from the work world and enjoy a comfortable life after receiving an inheritance. She is

also ill-equipped to deal with the tightly controlled and restricted legacy. She must rely on costly expert advice every step of the way. She was not given guidance by the people who created this inheritance. She, as a post-war, upper middle-class girl, was not expected to deal with any of this. Instead, it was presumed she would marry and someone else would watch out for her inheritance. Now, as a mature, conscious elder she is having to learn, in her 70s, what would have been easy to integrate in her 30s, 40s or 50s. She is stretching and exercising her brain to learn a new language, which might be a good thing. I know she’s struggling because this is a world she did not choose to live in.

There were opportunities. She had asked for help from family members who could guide her. The guidance never came. Take a moment to consider what you might include with the legacy that would offer support to the beneficiaries, might offer them guidance as they live after you do. Even better, what practical, educational support can you offer now, in the present, that will allow your descendants to understand and enjoy your gifts?

Take good care with legacy. It is not to be taken lightly. When my friend’s legacy was created, in the 1970s, the world was very different from the 21st century. As you create legacies attend to the trends of today and try, as best you can, to project a few decades ahead. What might your beneficiaries actually benefit from? Would it be a pile of cash? Would it be a trust fund from which they can draw monthly income and invest wisely in order to maintain the trust money for future family members? Who might be the successor beneficiaries? Would they actually love to own the house they lived in or visited when they were younger, or would they prefer that it be sold before you die?

Speak to the beneficiaries who are old enough for the conversation. Just as we are beginning to open doors to conversation about our care and treatment as we approach dying and death, it behooves us to open discussions about inheritance and legacy.

It is, of course, difficult, and, in some cases, impossible to answer many of these questions. It is the thinking, feeling and speaking that are important.

There is no way her forebears could anticipate that my friend would never marry, choose not to have children and live a creative, adventurous life. You too cannot imagine a life that will be lived in the future by the people you love and who will follow paths of their own.

Now my friend is both burdened and supported by her inheritance. She is navigating a path for which she has no map, no star chart, no compass.

Take care with all the legacies you leave. Create map with a clear path to the golden ‘X’ that marks the spot.