The Joy and the Challenges of (my) Aging

Can you experience the joy and wisdom associated with conscious aging and still experience fear, sadness and even loneliness? Can these all exist at the same time? I say yes. Can we have these challenges associated with aging specific to our life situation—and still feel joy? Yes.

I want to share some of my challenges with you. Perhaps you’ll relate. My challenges take the form of inconvenient thoughts that occur most when I’m driving, in the shower or at 2 in the morning. And, along with them come various emotions that aren’t joy. However, I am attempting to approach these challenges, big and small, with the wisdom I feel I have harnessed at this age.

What age? Well, age has always been a sensitive subject in my family, starting with my mom. My mom didn’t want people, in general, to know how old she was and didn’t share her real age. I have women friends who lie about their age on the dating apps, for very real reasons having to do with how the search feature of the dating apps work. Before Sage-ing I too had reservations about sharing my age. Not so in the last couple of years as I have grown into acceptance and even joy about 74 years of life experience. I am proud of all I have learned and experienced. I have more wisdom, am calmer, more accepting, able to forgive and just be me.

So, I invite you to look with me into my life and my challenges (small and big) and I hope you can relate.

Driving to do an errand while my small dog was home alone, I had this thought that created a moment of fear. OMG, what if I had an accident and ended up unconscious, how would anyone know to rescue my dog? This was an easy one. I wrote on a small index card my dog’s name and my local friend’s contact information (she has my key) as well as my sister and daughter’s contact information. That card now has a place of honor in my wallet.

What if I’m alone in the house and I fall (“I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up”) and can’t reach my phone to get help? Will I lie dying on the floor? How long will it take for someone to find my body? I managed to keep this thought at bay with my Alexa and a smartphone watch so I can call for help. And I check in daily with a friend who lives nearby.

Other concerns involve some new physical limitations. Recently, I attended a 1.5 hour outside yoga class in the Florida heat and instead of leaving feeling at peace and finding my “Zen”, I left feeling nauseous and light-headed. So, now I know I can’t exercise outside in the heat like I once did. I never used to be afraid. I swam in the ocean without fear of sharks or drowning. I roller skated and ice-skated without fear of falling. I felt invincible. Now I hear stories of peers falling while playing pickleball and ending up injured. So, I feel the need to be conscious of my aging bones. I accept my reality and honor my concerns, so I do activities I’m more comfortable with like walking, hiking, gym, yoga, and swimming in a pool.

Living alone has its benefits. I am accountable to just me and can do as I please. However, I am alone and that means I do everything for myself, and I mean everything. And that can create feelings like sadness, anger, frustration, and loneliness. I am too youthful and vibrant to have an aid or move into independent or assisted living (although I have thought about it). So, what are my options?

Although I could “hire a husband,” get a roommate, or move into a big house with others, I haven’t figured this one out. The “where” and “how” I should live is still up in the air. In talking to others, whether they are alone or paired up, this “where and how should I live” question is significant. The ideal situation would be to find a community where Sage-ing participants live and move into that community. While I do get a feeling of connection being part of the Sage-ing on-line community, I have found since leaving the state of COVID, that I have a yearning for more in person involvement. Currently I participate with my local Unitarian Universalist Fellowship and will continue to explore this issue.

Honestly, while knowing there are only x number of vital years left—maybe 10 or more, my challenge is figuring out what I really want to spend my time doing. I don’t want to be the embodiment of insanity. As I believe Albert Einstein said, “insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.” I must start by relooking at my values and needs. What do I really enjoy? What do I still want to experience? What do I want to learn? Where do I want to contribute my time? How much longer do I want to continue in my profession (now part-time)? I think I am working on finding answers —but it seems like a slow process that can be frustrating. I want answers and never really loved the process of finding answers. And I am very grateful that I can ponder these questions and am still participating in life 100%.

Whatever my challenges are, the one thing I do know is that I am connected to my core being—my Wise Self and a “higher power” that is accepting and loving and quite the opposite of the “inner critic” we all experience. I am thankful that my “inner critic” has become far less significant at this stage of my life. So, regardless of the aging challenges I face, I feel an inner joy that I treasure.

I am thankful for my ability to adapt, accept and appreciate what is. I am thankful that I am wiser. In a TED talk by Arielle Ford, she said that as we get to 50 and above the happiness curve continues to rise. I must agree. Yet, that joy realistically may be tempered by other emotions including fear, frustration, sadness, and longing as we each face our own challenges in the aging process. Our emotions are all “good” and just pieces of information that can provide us with guidance. As we age, we hopefully face all our emotions and challenges with more wisdom and experience more acceptance and happiness.