Sage-ing and International Mentoring: a Match Made in Heaven!

In the traditional Hindu philosophy of life there are three stages, the third of which is known as “Vanaprashta”, the stage which is said to last roughly  twenty-four years from around the age of forty-eight to the age of seventy-two. It is a time for gradual withdrawal from worldly concerns and the sharing of one’s wisdom with others.  One may share the wisdom that one has accumulated in the earlier stages of life, serving as a mature counselor, perhaps in our terminology as an “Elder”.

In the Western world, in the 1950’s the psychoanalyst Erik Erikson coined the phrase “generativity” in defining the “Care stage” in his theory of the stages of psychosocial development. Generativity is “a concern for establishing and guiding the next generation, the ability to transcend personal interests to provide care and concern for younger and older generations “. The Care stage, as it was set forth, is comprised of the middle ages of one’s life, from 40 through 64.

The similarity between these two concepts intrigued me as I too began to feel a surging need to act “more generative” as I approached my 60^th birthday. So much so that in creating my self-designed “rite of passage” to mark my personal milestone, I sought out an opportunity to provide a mentoring program that would create an impact within a community that could plant the seeds for empowered, positive change for themselves.

Sage-ing- why international?

Sage-ing to my mind, as a new and empowered approach to aging holds at its core the power and value of mentoring. To mentor a younger person in utilizing the experience, knowledge and wisdom of one’s years is at the heart of what Reb Zalman propagated some 25 years ago.

Mentoring, of course, is quite a no-brainer, but what is the value of doing it across the world and across cultures? I would like to make one thing clear: when it comes to empowering disadvantaged populations, I don’t think that giving mentoring or workshops as a volunteer is inherently different whether one does it 10,000 miles away or down the road. The act and energy is the same wherever you go.

However, I feel that in doing this in another culture, country and as part of any kind of “milestone” occasion, offers the “Sage as mentor” a number of added value experience that to my mind is truly valuable and memorable.

As part of my own self-generated “rite of passage” to mark my 60^th year I sought out this kind of experience:  to come as a volunteer, to give of myself from the programs in the field of my endeavor and passion, to come as a “friend”, “eyeball to eyeball” and not with any kind of condescending “help to the natives” agenda. I wanted to identify such a situation and initiate a program, knowing that what I would offer would be inspiring, empowering and practical, also likely something they never had experience before.

It was not the first time I had carried out such a plan, in 2015 in Kampala, Uganda, I had done this very thing with social entrepreneurs, and so I knew more or less what would await me. I knew that even though I would essentially be doing the “giving”, I would be “receiving” just as much:

• The adventure of being taken out of my “facilitating comfort zone”, new country, no direct language (there was a translator to the local Tamil language), a power shutdown at unusual times (in fact it happened just as we got underway), the need to deal with the heat and no air-conditioning, ambient noise from the street, among others.
• I would be learning about them, just as they would be about me- the “explorer” in me would be intrigued. As a workshop leader in this area you are giving them something they would never get anywhere else. You are getting something very special: the energy and excitement of “mutual discovery”.
• I would be feeling what it is to be helping people “see themselves” differently for the first time- I knew that emotions would run high, and they would be positive ones.
• I would feel the appreciation of participants who knew I had come a long way to be there with them, and this was certainly the case. I knew that deep inside I was “doing good”, and that is always a wonderful thing to feel…

There is no doubt in my mind that many of us at Sage-ing, no matter where we are in the Sage-ing process, will find such international volunteering and mentoring to be an enormously gratifying and worthy project.

Summary of the project

In the last week of January, 2020, I flew out to Tiruvannamalai, Tamil Nadu, India, to run a 4 day workshop: “Coaching & Empowerment for Social/Civil Service Leaders in the in villages of Tiruvannamalai District”, in cooperation with the NGO, Sarvadhana Sangam.  Sarvadhana is an organization that seeks to uplift out of poverty impoverished- mostly “Dalit” (“Untouchable caste”)- communities in this area of the country.

The program was designed that each day a different skill-building technique would be offered, thereby increasing both the proficiency, confidence and anticipation of the 10 participants.

My major goal was to allow participants to be exposed to innovative “non-book learning” methods of self-improvement and empowerment, something that I knew they were not accustomed to. I sought to touch that part inside themselves that had perhaps been avoided, neglected or never given “the light of day”. We dealt with individual, dyad, small and large group formats, touching on coaching exercises, vision planning, storytelling for communication and the “mastermind concept” for group creativity, accountability and synergy.

In addition, I met daily as a personal coach for 5 days with Mr. Raghul, the Director of Education of the NGO, a trained Christian Pastor. I was particular happy that I could offer this service to a person who was so eager, willing and cooperative to enter into such a relationship.

For the sake of brevity I will just mention a few of the many comments I received as feedback:

“I have never been asked what my dream was, whoever thought about dreams? It was always about having to take care of today’s problems and struggles.”

“I suddenly feel that a blindfold has been lifted from my eyes, I can see things that I never saw before!”

“I am beginning to feel that I can do things in life.”

“I never learned how to plan anything! It was always one day at a time. I can see the power of this.”

“Of course planning scares me, what happens if I am not able to meet my goals? By learning what goals are and how they can help me is very important, it makes everything very REAL”.

“I have this sense that God sent me Ronnie and this workshop, because it is exactly what I need to start a new business for myself….”

” I can really feel the warmth and energy I get from others by telling my story- it is so powerful!”

“I feel part of a group, not alone, and not afraid of sharing, I can really sense that something special has been born today in the group.”

“I feel that I can go ahead and approach others now with what I want, I have both the vision and story to do it with!”

Final comments

The experience of working with Sarvadhana on this project is one which I will never forget. It gave me all that I was seeking- to be able to share and empower others with what I do both as a profession, mission and as a personal way of life. For others at Sage-ing International who may be of like mindset I warmly recommend this approach- international mentoring- as it truly embodies the “Way of the Elder” to my mind.

To give is to receive, and to go where others have not yet gone just may make sowing these seeds just all the more memorable for all.

Ronnie Dunetz, MBA International, is a senior life and career coach, a veteran group facilitator, storyteller and free-lance writer. Born and raised in a traditional Jewish environment in the US, he has made his home in Israel for over three decades. Ronnie has lived and worked extensively in East Asia, where he pursued his studies and practice in the internal martial arts of Aikido, Tai Chi and Bagwa.  He is a long time student of Buddhism and yoga. He has developed and continues to lead and deepen programs in Israel for personal and spiritual development for people in their second half of life, with an emphasis on the integration of wisdom emanating from diverse cultures, philosophies and ways of life.