For example–the quality of Open Communication:
We practice effective communication by
honoring mutuality in speech with language
that reflects accurate, clear information
and nurtures trust in relationships.
From Julia Riley, RN, CSL, a holistic nurse educator, arts & healing practitioner, faculty in the 2016 CSL training program.
Ah…such an interesting time in life, this elder-hood. Age is the great leveler. Ask anyone who has gone to a 50 year reunion. We are all more alike than different and I am coming to appreciate is that we are called to create and hold sacred space for each other. It seems to be more about presence, listening, being, and an occasional meal where we can break bread together rather than big bold plans and action. We are all in this together and we pay attention and trust our intuition when we sense we need to respond to or reach out to others.
I received an email from a former neighbor whom I have not seen for 25 years. Her husband of 65 years died 2 months ago. She had run across something she had saved from my work, a poem or response to my mother’s death. It had given her comfort and she wondered if we might be in contact because she needed words of solace.
Not needing to look up an article, a website or a book to be prepared as I would have a few years back, I answered the email and told her I would call the next day. When I called, I listened to her story, her rage at the healthcare he had received, her pondering her family relationships and her own identity, alone for the first time in many years.
She reached out not for answers but for a listener and affirmation that her journey of grief was one many of us have travelled. To hear that she had a right to her feelings, that feelings are not right or wrong, they are just feelings, brought a sigh of relief. She talked proudly about finally crying out loud for the first time in her life. We talked about her interests and possibilities for new things. We were on the phone for an hour.
During the conversation I mentioned another former neighbor who I had just been feeling drawn to call. In the same town, she might also be a support. With her permission, I contacted this mutual long-ago friend only to learn her best friend of many years had died the week before. Ah…the timing of synchronicity. I believe there are no accidents in the universe and recall the bumper sticker that read, “Coincidences are just God’s way of working a miracle anonymously.”
We, too, were on the phone for an hour. I listened to her story, her journey with retirement, and the accomplishments of her career. She sent me some pictures by text and recommended a website for something of current interest to me about my health. We reminisced about raising our children together and what they are doing now.
Sages in service to each other is a tender mercy. We can relate. The themes of loss and family growing pains are common ones. Reflecting on what we have done, the lives we have touched, lessons learned, and the vulnerability of aging, we remember, we are all in this together.
