Deep Listening: A Practical Guide

Deep Listening: A Practical Guide

According to Sage-ing® International’s Qualities of Sages in Service, “Deep listening is our ability to be present to another’s story without fixing the problem or judging.” Deep listening connects people, builds empathy, and is an avenue for healing. But how and when do we use this powerful tool?

There are at least four different types of deep listening – all of which are equally important and require both introspection and vulnerability.

Deep listening to oneself

This type of listening helps us to understand and have compassion for ourselves without judgement. We do this through mindfulness, meditation, prayer, journaling, and spending time in nature.

Deep listening to family and friends

Whether you are engaged in a long conversation, a short exchange, in-person or on Zoom, this requires having the intention to listen with an open mind. Multi-generational deep listening to middle aged children, young adults, and grandchildren can all provide learning opportunities, deepen bonds, and heal strained relationships.

Deep listening to strangers

This is particularly hard in today’s climate of polarization. Yet it is arguably the most important. You might do this by going out of your way to initiate conversations with others who have differing opinions on topics you are passionate about (in-person or online through a program like Living Room Conversations). Or you might find yourself unexpectedly in a situation where someone is presenting a differing perspective on a divisive topic. In either case, you can choose to respond with your opinions, or you can pause, get curious, and listen with the intent to understand, rather than to change their mind. While challenging, this may lead to new insights as well as a softening of the other party. They may even be opening to hearing your thoughts once they feel seen and heard.

Deep Listening to the Media

You can use the ad fontes media chart to filter the media sources you look at. Find the ones that strive to be unbiased, but not just sources that echo your worldview – look for trustworthy ones that offer a different perspective as well. Make decisions about polarizing issues based on what you learn when you are open and curious, not angry, and afraid. Follow your values and intuition, not just what your echo chamber or political party tells you is correct. And finally, be prepared to change your mind when you learn something new.